The Clean Cut (Muttonless Chops)

You there! Yes you, with the mutton chops! Have you ever wanted to be so damn sexy that all the Med-, I mean ladies would gravitate to your mannly biceps and latch on and never let go? Well if you said yes, then we have the perfect look for you! Our high tech* (last year's model) facial hair trimmers will give you that dashing look you've been looking for! ... And to those of you that said "No", well too bad you son-of-a-beaches! We're coming for you next!

Notes

So while grooming my magnificent beard* (small stubble), I had the thought of the "Lord Cockswain's Novelty Mutton Chops and Pipe" with out the "Novelty Mutton Chops". So I put gas in the Blender and got to work, and while doing so I had the FANTASTIC idea of making two styles. One with the pipe and one without the pipe.

"But I don't want to have to sift through 2 models each time I want to have/not have the pipe!", said the you. Well I've solved that ever so plaguing pandemic! I've made it replace BOTH styles for the war pig! Yes, you heard right, with the simple flip of a style you can have/not have the pipe to go with your amazing hair!

BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE! Now that this is a hat it will allow you to show off that beautiful* (Face so sinfully ugly it needed to be hid behind that helmet) face. Its also paintable! now you can be the first hipster in the 1960's!